Wednesday, 7 April 2010

HURT

A friend out of the blue said that I was screwing up her life. A general remark on her appearance invited the 'screwing up' comment. I was hurt. I didn't particularly mean to be insensitive when I knew what she was going through.
Another friend doesn't get the hint - that I have a different priorities now. It's not as if I don't want to be in touch or wish to avoid him.
Sometimes I wonder, why do I have to be the 'giver' in any relationship. There are times when I wish to be left alone, but no, there are friends who always wish to take my time.
I remember when my mother was ill (I sorta knew that she wouldn't be with me for long, but was running around checking with the docs, hospitals and sanatoriums so that she could recover...) I had decided that I am going to focus on her, be with her that she needs me. But, no, I had to deal with friends who wanted to know why I was in hiding, why I didn't take calls, why I couldn't meet them...
Maybe it was my mistake that I didn't tell them about my mother's illness or more importantly my fear that I was going to lose her. But, if you are a friend, a real friend, then wouldn't you respect my time out and leave me alone till the time I found it in myself to get in touch and talk about things that matter and don't...
It never did happen with me. I always had the guilt feeling, that yes m ignoring, yes m being insensitive and so yes, I should put aside my own troubles and listen to other people's pleasure and sad talk.
But today I was feeling low. God knows why. And then something innocuous like 'why don't you change your hair style or cut your hair short...it looks good', invites an extremely insensitive comment. Hell no!
I know girl, you have been going through a rough patch (even I did and you helped me through it) and I didn't mean to hurt or make things even worse. I thought that suggesting something new and different will boost your spirits up. I didn't know that you had a low confidence in your appearance and that my comment made you feel even more miserable.
I thought I was the only one around who felt that I scored a zero on personality and grooming...
Hell, I am sorry.
Hell, just leave me alone.
Hell...I am hurt

2 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. friends, real friends, never leave you alone. they are always breathing down your neck for every single thing and thats why they are the real friends. coz, they care. if they wouldn't and just be friends, not real friends, they wouldn't give a damn whats going on with you or why and how u r and all that stuff. maybe you should change the perspective...but yes, sometimes they may become intolerable. at such times you should just tell them that you need some time off. makes life easier communicating that rather than expecting that.

    ReplyDelete