hopscotch

Amma... It has been two years without you. I miss you. Sorry for being the 'black sheep' of the family. And for being rebellious, short-tempered and harsh. I am sorry....

Right now, I am feeling very exhausted and tired. But, I don't want to mope or at least whine on this blog. However, nothing nice or cheery comes to my mind... If I could use drawing tools, I would sketch lines representing my thoughts in a criss-cross manner – if you look from far you can see a nice pattern; from close, it will look like a mess or clutter. That's what is the current state of my mind. I am so TIRED. Am I working too hard? Do I need to see a psychoanalyst? Am I tired of pleasing others? How difficult it is to do things I like? Why do I drive people up against the WALL? Why am I not sleeping well at night? Why do I toss and turn endlessly? Why do I babble in my sleep? What is troubling me? --- I have no answer. Only questions.

I had written this for the second edit column --- Today when we step out of the houses, our usual stops are at the multiplexes and malls. Whether one likes it or not, the malls - with their promises of sops, and a 'lifetime experience' - are here to say. With so many new malls, stores, designer boutiques are coming up every other day, there's stiff competition to win more and more clients and customers with 'sales', 'discount rates' and 'membership cards'. It is a haven for both the shopaholics and for those who indulge in it occasionally. But, what dims the 'lifetime experience' is the demeanour of the staff on the floor who are supposed to guide and help you choose from the vast array of stocks. The experience, at least in my case, has been an indifferent attitude, half nods and fingers pointed in vague direction. The plausible reasons, which I have come up with for their downright rude behaviour, are that they are ill at ease in thei

Yup! I know lot has been said about the movie. It was sure to do well, right from the moment Aamir Khan decided to produce it. Well, yes, the movie was good. Damn good. Slick, humorous and as 'real' it could get. I thought it was going to be about farmers suicide. But...yes it does talk about the farmer's or A FARMER'S SUICIDE. The farmer, in this case, is Natha. And, his suicide is discussed in DETAIL by the mediawalle from Delhi and also by the regional satraps. The media makes a mockery of his death. And, like all the media reports, exclusives, breaking news - nothing CONCLUSIVE, comes out of it. The movie, I mean. Personally, three scenes touched me. One is that of the farmer, Hari Mahto, who has lost his land because he didn't have the money to repay the loan he took from the bank. He works in a pit now, digging mud. The mud is sold to contractors for meagre Rs 100 per day. He dies. The media, meanwhile, is tracking Natha's death (will he? won't he?

I don't have much work to do this week. So, I guess that's why am in 'plan-making' spree. Even when there's lots of work, I keep making plans – what to do when I am free and not have much to do. Do I actually implementing the plans when I am free? Nope. But, that doesn't mean I stop making plans, does it? Well, I got this brain wave when P and I had gone out. We both saw a temple on a busy road, but hidden by some tapering structure and surrounded by trees. It was dusk and hence couldn't be seen properly from where we were standing. I immediately felt like crossing the road and jumping over the ditch to the other side, to the temple, to see what it was like. P played a spoil-sport. So, we decided to come back here again during daylight. I have always loved temples – not those where pilgrims and tourists make a beeline to ask for 'mannat' – where its all calm and quiet; where you can pray or dream or just talk to yourself and soak in the atmosph

This was published sometime back --- I work for a children's weekly and as a part of my work, I meet several children and their parents. The tete-a-tete have not always been pleasant; I have often come across children who are too 'adult' beyond their years. Twelve-year-old boys are reluctant to cycle around the colony on their own or get wet in the rain. Instead, they prefer playing with their gadgets and using adult 'cuss' words. The 12-year-old girls love dressing up in their college-going sister's attire. I sometimes find it difficult to distinguish between a 10-year-old girl and an 18-year-old girl. At the other end of the spectrum, are children who are too 'frivolous', and believe in 'Live Life Kingsize' . Unfortunately, most of the parents do not think that there is anything wrong in giving their children a Rs 1000 currency note to blow up in one evening at the multiplex or the mall. I have often come away feeling disturbed and powerl

I have been yelling around, rude to 'dumb' people and generally being a slave-driver. Sometimes I wonder, if I am too hard on people. Maybe I am. And, what can I do about it? I don't derive any pleasure out of this. All I expect is that people put in their effort in what they are doing – concentrate on the task at hand. But, unfortunately, I have to deal with people who are distracted, slow (and not steady), and on top have an attitude problem. So I guess I am justified in making them run and getting work done. As they say, its lonely at the top. (I am not exactly on the top, but when you have to get work done from three to four women, it does get TOUGH AND LONELY). I can't bring myself to discuss commonplace topics when I am working. Nor do I enjoy taking frequent breaks. I am an employer's Godsend and employee's nightmare. Hahaha! LOL. This deters my juniors from building any real connection with me. But, you know what, the juniors/trainees who have gone