Saturday, 10 April 2010

Questions!

I tried to catch the evening show of The Japanese Wife. Couldn't get the tickets though. I think I need to attune myself to the changing circumstances. Until the year before last, I could ( or any average joe, jui) easily get into the theatre, buy a packet of popcorn and settle down to watch the movie. Not any longer.
Today the multiplex security guards shooed me to the neighbouring mall's parking lot. There was a queue of two-wheelers and cars before and after me. First, they checked my dikki, in which they found a hand bag, desperately in need of repairs. He asked a lady security officer to go through the contents. Meanwhile, another security guard noted down the number of my Activa. Another one asked me to remove my scarf. In between, they waved away an empty auto standing before the mall. (Images of the auto being blown up and all of us being hurt or killed flashed before my eyes). Then I was allowed to go down to the parking lot. Mid way I was stopped again – had to pay for the parking ticket.
Walking up the steep turn, I rushed to the multiplex. Again a queue. Eight women were before me at the 'Ladies Only' ticket counter. As I inched closer towards the ticket window, I happened to look around me. There were two cops, a TV screen showing the visual of city Police Commissioner Satyapal Singh. Another notice saying that the hand bags were now to be deposited at the handbag counter. This was certainly NEW.
I mean, I was here at the theatre in December, I think (or was it January) to watch PAA. Yes, we had to park our four-wheeler in the parking lot of the same neighbouring mall going through the same process. But, there was no single entry system them. We could have taken the exit route to go down to the parking lot, but now I had to go inside the mall and take the elevator down to the parking lot. And, I had to leave my bag behind.
Now, of course, maybe because of the German Bakery blasts, or the whole miserable security scenario, we have to get used to this life. Of living in a war zone. If war zone sounds exaggerated than perhaps terror zone is very APT.
Is this how our life is going to be henceforth? I would rather watch a movie at home. At least I will be safe there. Will I? What if some suicide bomber comes and decides blow himself up right in my lane? Are we going to be safe anymore?

I haven't really had the privilege of meeting Maoists or Arundhati Roy who has described them as 'Gandhian with Arms.' If I do get that privilege (and I am looking forward to it) I will just ask one question - “Is it so difficult to build or start a school/hospital/bridge/pucca houses for the villagers and hence you just go around razing down and burning the houses, killing the cops, villagers? It is far more easier to destruct than construct, isn't it? With 'construction' comes accountability and the Gandhian with Arms find it easier to hold others accountable.
The ideology business, I would like to tell the Maoists, is bull shit. If they were really so sincere about redistribution of wealth, and equal opportunities for poor etc etc blah blah..
why haven't they done anything for the villagers? Have they build schools, bridges, hospitals – so essential for the villagers?
If their cadre comes from the educated and privileged class, why the 'educated' haven't thought of imparting their knowledge to the villagers – they could have helped them in getting tractors, cows for farming, poultry bizz etc.
I have spent 15 years of my life in a small village/town. I don't see any reason why someone has to redistribute wealth, why can't we simply create wealth?
Ask Mao Tse Tung to keep his philosophy – Power flows from the barrel of the gun – or whatever to himself.
Maoists are no 'intellectuals'; they are ARMED TERRORISTS.
Maoists and their faithful comrade-in-arms Arundhati Roy – go visit Abhay Band in Gadchiroli (Naxalite affected region in Maharashtra) who has worked for the people there. Please also go, visit Anandvan and Hemalaksa. Amte's and Band families have worked to give the tribals – dignity, education and the confidence to earn their own living in the village/s and or cities. Theirs is a much more difficult task, because they believe in constructive activities'.

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

HURT

A friend out of the blue said that I was screwing up her life. A general remark on her appearance invited the 'screwing up' comment. I was hurt. I didn't particularly mean to be insensitive when I knew what she was going through.
Another friend doesn't get the hint - that I have a different priorities now. It's not as if I don't want to be in touch or wish to avoid him.
Sometimes I wonder, why do I have to be the 'giver' in any relationship. There are times when I wish to be left alone, but no, there are friends who always wish to take my time.
I remember when my mother was ill (I sorta knew that she wouldn't be with me for long, but was running around checking with the docs, hospitals and sanatoriums so that she could recover...) I had decided that I am going to focus on her, be with her that she needs me. But, no, I had to deal with friends who wanted to know why I was in hiding, why I didn't take calls, why I couldn't meet them...
Maybe it was my mistake that I didn't tell them about my mother's illness or more importantly my fear that I was going to lose her. But, if you are a friend, a real friend, then wouldn't you respect my time out and leave me alone till the time I found it in myself to get in touch and talk about things that matter and don't...
It never did happen with me. I always had the guilt feeling, that yes m ignoring, yes m being insensitive and so yes, I should put aside my own troubles and listen to other people's pleasure and sad talk.
But today I was feeling low. God knows why. And then something innocuous like 'why don't you change your hair style or cut your hair short...it looks good', invites an extremely insensitive comment. Hell no!
I know girl, you have been going through a rough patch (even I did and you helped me through it) and I didn't mean to hurt or make things even worse. I thought that suggesting something new and different will boost your spirits up. I didn't know that you had a low confidence in your appearance and that my comment made you feel even more miserable.
I thought I was the only one around who felt that I scored a zero on personality and grooming...
Hell, I am sorry.
Hell, just leave me alone.
Hell...I am hurt