Friday, 3 June 2011

Barish in Headlines

It's the second day of pre-monsoon showers. The dark clouds are gathering, coming closer and closer. Soon, they will start rumbling accompanied by lightning and opening up of skies.
For some rains means garma garam bhajji and hot tea laced with ginger. Some see poetry in the pitter-patter of rain drops. A sight to be enjoyed by sitting by the window or getting drenched in rains.
I, however, wish to differ. I bring to you 'Barish in Headlines' (for the next three months or till the monsoon lasts)
In the first few days of the monsoon, your news will be:
On Page 1 (LEAD): xxxxx (fill in the name of the city) lashed by rains. The story will be accompanied by photos of Wet Girls (yes, this was actually the caption given by an intrepid photographer who shot girls caught unawares in the rain), traffic snarls, a sweet kid holding an umbrella over his head and jumping up and down in the puddles, a small crowd taking shelter under a shed covered by blue tarpulin etc etc
On Page 1 (DC): Water levels go up in xxxxx (fill in the name) dam
On Page 1 (Single Column): Weather watch. Met department predicts medium to light showers for the city.
On Page 1 (Anchor): Corporation's level of preparedness or the lack of it.
Inside pages: Photospread of uprooted trees, water-logging in some areas of the city, pools formed in dug up roads and people queuing up to buy raincoats, umbrellas and rainy footwear.
In case there's heavy downpour, these will make the news:
1) Building collapse
2) Landslides
3) Floods (The only Indian river with a male name, Brahmaputra, comes into news with, "Brahmaputra rising" or "Brahmaputra crosses the danger level)
4) Snapping of electricity wires, telephone lines
5) xxxx TMC water released from xxxx dam
6) Veggie prices drop. Housewives sigh!
7) Corporation chief says, "We have enough water till November" or "Catchment areas full"
8) Nullahs choke
In case, the heavy downpour is followed by a dry spell, these will be in the news:
1) Met official says xxx belt formed over Western Maharashtra. Dry spell to continue
2) Corporation chief says water level in the xxxx dam worrisome
3) Dengue, chikungunya claims xxxxx lives
4) Where has the rain disappeared?
5) Villagers pray for rain; woo for Varun (not Gandhi. Varun, the God of Rain)

In the features:
1) Here's how to look cool in the rains
2) Fashionistas outline their rainy look
3) What to do in rains? Celeb tells us
(I can't resist the attempt to be cheeky and barge in with "Stay at home and not get in the rains."
"If I have to go out, carry an umbrella or wear a raincoat." Keep it simple, celebs. I wish some newspaper tells us how to quickly jump aside when a four-wheeled monster is coming towards me to avoid getting drenched from head to toe in muddy waters ruining my rainy look. Any ideas?")
4) Nutrition in the rain
(Damn...I would love to dig into kanda/khekda bhajji. Nutritious food be damned.)

Coming up next: Winter in News and Summer in News

No comments:

Post a Comment