Friday, 7 December 2012

Too many voices

Okay. Have to scribble something as there are too many voices in my brain, clamouring and drowning out the din of the outside world. So those sitting around me, will find me in hermit-like mood; remote and fidgety. Remote, as in, others cannot approach me. Fidgety because too many things happening in my brain. I can actually imagine the thought wires criss-crossing, and becoming one messy tangle.
What am I supposed to untangle and relax?
Here are my usual solutions: watch a movie. With no one for company. In my moods like this, I prefer to sit and watch the film alone. No popcorn either.
And, which movies would make it to my companion list? Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar (no), Jodhaa Akbar (no), Yuva....(some bits, yes), Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (maybe yes), Andaz Apna Apna (uhhh) Swades (YESSSSSSS).
I don't know why, but when I am down and out, and need to calm myself, I invariably reach out for Swades, which in some people's opinion is a perfect recipe for sad documentary. I don't agree. Ya, I mean it has been stretched quite a bit. But, still it's the best ever depiction of the confusion that India is. And, that we do know how to put things right, in perspective.
I also love it plainly for the village life, the uncomplicated stance, the unflinching acceptance of "this is it..."
My favourite bit of the movie is when SRK enters the village in his caravan, with the boy Chiku leading the way, and "ayo re" score in the background. My spirits lift.
There are other connections too.  Watching movie sitting on the road. Many a times in my childhood, I have often sat by the roadside with other townies/villagers watching movie on the "purdah" - hello, this was before TVs became common and electricity more regulated.
And, of course the temples. I loved the temple in this movie. The old stone temple, with the temple pond. Old village temples are soothing, charming and they have the ability to stop the clock. Time ticks by very slowly...until you are finally ready to step out and face the world.
I rarely ever visit a temple in the city. They somehow don't have the ability to draw you in like the old, cool temples of the village.
Yup, so I watch Swades for certain reasons.
If I can't watch a movie for some reason, then flipping through old letters and photo albums gives me back my sanity. On days like these, I hate the idea of logging into Picassa or flicker and clicking on pics. Hell, I would rather reach out to the photos under the plastic covering, pull them out and my fingers tracing the outlineof the figures in the images.
I quite like the idea of holding the past in my hands. I can't reverse it, but I can live it again through the photographic memory. Technology, go take a hike. On some days you are an untouchable.
Clarity peeping out through the tangled mesh of thought wires.
And, here's the first voice - Didn't much like Harivanshrai Bachchan's autobiography. This is the English translation of the Hindi original. Confession -I didn't read it from the start. I started forwards from the middle, which was the introduction of Teji Bachchan. It's a nice read, honest too. But it didn't appeal to me somehow, because there's the pettiness of the author and his shying away from the responsibility of clearing the air.
Second voice says: Reading Milind Bokil's Shala. Again and again. Soaking in the atmosphere of the 70s and early 80s.
Third voice: Have missed out on Talaash and earlier, Barfi. Not good.
Fourth voice: I don't know if this is going to reach the person, it's intended for, but I am saying it out loud, nevertheless. Please stay away. We never connected really, so don't intrude into my life.
Fifth voice: Don't bug me or I will explode.
Sixth voice: I am missing brownies.
Seventh voice: Heat boils, acidity and the swinging hormones - get in line and behave. Heat boils...just disappear okay. Outttttttttttt!
Eighth voice: No more medicines please.
Ninth voice: Did I really need that new leather bag (expensive)? I needed one, not the expensive one though.
Tenth voice: Can I just stow away the leather bag and not look at it again?
Eleventh voice: Well, every time you look, you will be reminded of the price. So look again...and don't buy anything in a hurry.
Twelfth voice: Exhausted. Go to sleep.
Thirteenth voice: Sleep. Watch Swades some other night.
Good Night!

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